Whoso Findeth A Wife

Posted by on Feb 12, 2012

Whoso Findeth A Wife

“Whoso Findeth A Wife”

MP3 Version: “Whoso Findeth A Wife

Scripture Text: Proverbs 18:22

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia


A. As you know, for the past several weeks my Sunday morning messages have been focused on the subject of marriage.
1. This being true, I have been preaching primarily to those of you who are ALREADY MARRIED.
2. Well, this morning I would like to do something a little different, at least for one Sunday, and I would like to preach a message that is aimed at those of you who are of marrying age (or perhaps getting close to be of marrying age) but are STILL SINGLE.
3. As we saw earlier this morning, Solomon wrote in Prov. 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”

B. Now I realize that I may very well be speaking to someone this morning who is of marrying age and still single, but for one reason or another, you are NOT LOOKING for a mate.
1. And that’s okay.
2. In fact, the Bible teaches us that there are some definite ADVANTAGES to remaining single.
3. For example, notice what Paul wrote about single men, “He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:32-33)
4. Now notice what he wrote about single women, “The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:34)
5. Now what is Paul saying here?
6. He is simply saying that a single person will have LESS DISTRACTIONS when it comes to serving the Lord.
7. And so, it’s okay to be single, in fact, it can even be spiritually advantageous.
8. And so if you are single and are happy being single, my advice to you is to NOT go looking for a mate.

C. However, if that is not the case, if you are not happy being single, how does one go about finding a mate?
1. That’s what I want to talk to you about, this morning.
2. How to find, not just a mate, but a proper mate.

D. May I say, first of all, you need to be…

I. Particular.

A. In other words, you need to have some BASIC requirements for your future mate.
1. For example, when Abraham sent his “eldest servant” to find a wife for his son, Isaac, he made him “swear” that he would be PARTICULAR. (Gen. 24:3)
2. You see, not just any woman would do for his son.
3. She had to meet some basic requirements. (Gen. 24:4)
4. If you are looking for a mate, you TOO should…
-be particular,
-not settle for just any man or woman,
-have some basic requirements, some basic qualities that you are looking for in your future mate.

B. Now let me say, right off the bat, that I am NOT talking about PHYSICAL qualities.
1. (Illus.- Several years ago a young single guy came to me and asked me to pray for him because he was looking for what he called “a soul mate.” Well, I asked him, “What kind of a woman are you looking for?” I assumed that since he referred to his future wife as his “soul mate,” that he would begin with spiritual qualities. Boy, was I wrong. Here’s what he said, “Well, first of all, she has to be a blonde. Then she has to be pretty. She also has to have a good figure, and it wouldn’t hurt if she was also athletic,” and these were not all of the physical qualities that he mentioned. As I listened to him, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “This guy is not looking for a soul mate, he’s looking for a bed partner!”)
2. And so, when I say that you should have some basic qualities that you are looking for in your future mate, I am NOT talking about physical qualities.
3. At least, if you have physical qualities on your list, they should be way down at the BOTTOM of your list, certainly not the top!

C. What you should look for FIRST in your future mate are certain SPIRITUAL qualities.
1. In 1 Pet. 3:1-6, Peter admonishes Christian wives to be in subjection to their husbands, however, right in the middle of his admonition, he talks about what makes a woman truly beautiful.
2. Notice what he wrote in Vrs. 3-4, “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart,”
3. Listen, if you are truly looking for a soul mate, and not just a bed partner, you want to look at “the hidden man (woman) of the heart.” (In other words, a person’s inward, spiritual qualities.)

D. For example, you want to make sure that they are SAVED.
1. In fact, the Bible states very clearly that a believer should never marry an unbeliever.
2. Notice what Paul wrote in 2 Cor. 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:”
3. Let’s go back to Abraham, for a moment.
4. Notice what he told his servant just before he sent him on his search for a wife for his son, Isaac; he said, “…thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” (Gen. 24:3-4)
5. In other words, find a woman who shares his spiritual heritage and his spiritual values.
6. You might also remember that before the children of Israel entered the promised land, God gave them a very stern warning, he said, concerning the Canaanites who lived in the land, “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.” (Deut. 7:3)

E. But someone asks, “What’s wrong with me marrying an unbeliever? Why is that NOT a good thing?”
1. Two reasons.
2. First of all, it is not a good thing because on a spiritual level, you have absolutely NOTHING in common with an unbeliever.
3. What did Paul say?
4. He said, “…for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14)
5. Listen, “righteousness” has absolutely NOTHING in common with “unrighteousness,” and “light” has absolutely NOTHING in common with “darkness!”
6. Even so, on a spiritual level, you have absolutely nothing in common with an unbeliever (you are living in two totally different worlds).
7. Can’t you see the problem with that???

F. There is another reason why marrying an unbeliever is not a good thing, and that is because more times than not, the unbeliever will pull the believer away from God.
1. This is why God warned the Israelites about intermarrying with the Canaanites.
2. Notice what He told them, “For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods:” (Deut. 7:4)
3. Isn’t this what happened to Solomon when he married all of those heathen women?
4. The Bible says in 1 Kings 11:4, “For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods:”
5. Listen, if it happened to Solomon, it will most likely happen to you as well!
6. And so, as you search for a mate, first and foremost, make sure that they are saved.

G. Also make sure that they are SERVING.
1. In other words, make sure that they are actively serving the Lord. For example…
2. Make sure that they are faithful in church.
3. Make sure that they are involved in ministry.
4. Make sure that they are givers (tithers).
5. Why is this important?
6. It’s important because it lets you know where their priorities lie.
7. They may be saved, yet if serving the Lord is not a priority in their lives, they would not make a suitable mate.
8. And so, as you search for a mate, make sure that they are saved and make sure that they are serving.

H. Also, make sure that they are SANCTIFIED.
1. In other words, make sure that they have a close walk with the Lord.
2. The truth is, they can be saved and even involved in Christian service, and not have a close walk with the Lord.
I. How do you go about finding a soul mate?
1. First of all, be particular.
2. May I say, secondly, that you should be…

II. Prayerful.

A. Notice something that Paul wrote to the Colossian believers in Col. 1:9, “For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;”
1. According to this verse, PRAYER is one of the means by which we can determine God’s will for our life.
2. And I can’t think of anything more important to pray about than finding a soul mate!

B. Now let’s go back to Abraham one more time, this morning.
1. When Abraham’s servant, Eliezer, arrived at “Nahor,” the city where he hoped to find a wife for Isaac, he stopped at a well just outside the city.
2. The reason he stopped there was because he knew that this was where the young ladies would be coming to draw water.
3. Do you know what was the FIRST thing he did, after bedding down his camels, when he arrived at the well?
4. He got on his knees and he began PRAYING to God.
5. Notice Gen. 24:12, “And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.”
6. In other words, “Lord, you know how important my mission is. You know how important it is that I find the right woman for my master’s son. Lord, please show kindness to my Master by showing me the woman whom you have chosen to be Isaac’s wife!”
7. If you know the rest of the story, you know that God answered Eliezer’s prayer and showed him that Rebecca was His choice for Isaac.

C. How does one go about finding one’s soul mate?
1. First of all, be particular.
2. Secondly, be prayerful.
3. Let me give you one more word of advice before I conclude, this morning, and that is, be…

III. Patient.

A. One of the most common mistakes that Christians make in selecting a soul mate is they get in a hurry.
1. Some things cannot be hurried.
2. Some things require patience.
3. Some things take time.
4. And selecting a mate for life is one of those things.

B. Over and over again God admonishes us in His Word to “wait” on Him.
1. For example, the Bible says in Psa. 27:14, “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”
2. TWICE in this one verse we are admonished to “wait on the Lord.”
3. Do you know what happens when we don’t wait?
4. Do you know what happens when we get ahead of the Lord?
5. Do you know what happens when we get in a hurry and don’t take the time to be particular and to pray.
6. We make mistakes!

C. One of the best examples of waiting patiently on the Lord is JACOB.
1. Remember how Jacob fell in love with Rachel, and when he went to her father and asked for her hand in marriage, he said, “Well, sure you can marry my daughter, but only AFTER you serve me for seven years.”
2. (Illus.- Can you imagine finding THE woman that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and being told by her father that not only would you have to wait for seven years, but also that during that seven years you had to serve him. I seriously doubt that very many young men today would agree to those terms.)
3. Jacob, however did agree to those terms.
4. But that’s not the end of the story.
5. After the seven years was up, and the wedding was over, Jacob discovered that his father-in-law had deceived him and given him Rachel’s sister, Leah, instead.
6. When Jacob protested, Laban said, “No problem, you can still have Rachel, only you will have to work for me ANOTHER SEVEN YEARS!
7. Now I’m sure that Jacob was not happy about it, however, he was so convinced that Rachel was the woman for him, he was willing to serve Laban for another seven years.
8. Talk about patience.

D. Now, am I saying that it will take you 14 years to find your soul mate?
1. I’m not saying that at all.
2. I’m just saying that good things come to those who…
-are patient,
-take whatever time is necessary to be particular and to pray for God’s direction.
3. The Bible says in Lam. 3:25, “The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.”


A. Now let’s go back to our original text, Prov. 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”
1. You know, this is ONLY true if you find the RIGHT wife or the RIGHT husband.
2. This is why you must be…