MP3 Version: “Speak Every Man”

Scripture Text:   Ephesians 4:23-29

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. (Illus.- Jack and Christine sat across from their pastor, ready to begin their first counseling session. You could tell that Christine had something on her chest because of the way she sat, with her arms folded and her eyes pointed downward. The pastor noticed this right away and decided to begin his questioning with her. He said, “Christine, I can tell by your body language that something is really bothering you, so why don’t you get us started by telling me exactly what the problem is.” Well, when the pastor said that, the floodgate opened. She looked at him and in the most bitter tone she said, “Pastor, I know that this husband of mine has been cheating on me. I know because he has been taking money from his overtime pay. He has been stealing money and I want to know right now what he has been doing with it!” Jack just sat there in total silence. You could tell by the expression on his face that he was completely dumbfounded by what he was hearing. You see, Christine had known about this for almost five months and had said nothing to her husband. Instead, she had been holding it in and as a result she had been growing more and more bitter every day. Well, having heard this, the pastor turned to Jack and said, “Jack, have you been taking money from your overtime pay, and if so, what have you been doing with it?” After a short pause, Jack slowly reached into his pocket, took out his wallet, dug into a secret compartment and said, “It’s all here,” as he pulled out some folded bills and tossed them on the couch, “You can count it, if you like.” The pastor then said, “Okay, Jack, now that we know where the money went,  tell us what you planned to do with the money?” With tears in his eyes, he said, “Our anniversary is coming up soon, and I’ve been saving it for a surprise romantic get-away for Christine and me.” When Christine heard this, you could tell that she wanted to crawl up under something and hide. She was so embarrassed and so ashamed.)
1. Clearly, something was WRONG with the channels of communication in that marriage.
2. Christine had not only worried herself needlessly,  she was ready to break up her marriage over a total misunderstanding.
3. Because she had failed to communicate her concern initially, the problem only got worse and worse until it landed them both in the pastor’s office for counseling.

B. Now before I say anything else, this morning, let me say this, the scenario that I have just described is not the exception, but rather the RULE.
1. In most marriages today, the channels of communication are either NON-EXISTENT, or they are so CLOGGED that very little information, if any, is getting through.
2. And this is not good.
3. You see, it is absolutely impossible to have a good marriage without good communication between a husband and his wife, and this communication must be a TWO-WAY communication.
4. It doesn’t work if only one partner is communicating with the other.
5. Communication is fundamental to a Christ-centered home, because it is the means by which all relationships within the home grow and are maintained.

C. As we examine our text, this morning, I want us to notice at least three things that ought to be true about the communication that takes place in a marriage. Notice, first of all, this communication should be…

I. Honest.

A. Notice again Vrs. 25 of our text, “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.”
1. Solomon wrote in Prov. 8:7, “For my mouth shall speak truth;”
2. And then again in Prov. 12:17, “He that speaketh truth sheweth forth righteousness:”
3. What do I mean when I say that the communication that takes place in a marriage should be honest?
4. I simply mean that a husband and wife should be both open and honest with one another, that when they communicate, they should communicate the truth and not a lie.

B. For example, they should be honest about their FEELINGS.
1. (Illus.- A missionary and his wife were forced to leave their mission field early because the wife had become severely depressed. When they returned home, she began seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis, however, it didn’t help and she and her husband continued to grow farther and farther apart. After a few months, someone talked them into seeing a Christian counselor, who insisted that they attend counseling together, as a couple. On their very first visit, the wife opened up and began sharing her feelings. She looked at her husband and said, “My problem is that when I married you, I didn’t love you. In fact, I’ve never loved you, but I’ve never told anyone the truth before now!” Well, that missionary and his wife were able to get the help they needed, and as a result, they not only saved their marriage, but they also returned to the mission field. But that would have never happened had she not been honest about how she felt.)
2. (Illus.- More than once husbands or wives have come to me for advice because their spouses had either said something or done something that had hurt their feelings, sometimes very deeply.  My question to them was always the same, “Have you told your wife or have you told your husband how you feel?” Do you know what their answer was most of the time? Most of the time they said, “No.” When I asked them why not, their answer was almost always the same, they said,“Well, they ought to know how I feel!” Really???)
3. And so, husbands and wives should be honest about their feelings.

C. They should also be honest about their NEEDS.
1. (Illus.- Another complaint that I hear quite often from married people is, “My husband is not meeting my needs,” or “My wife is not meeting my needs,” and I’m sure that a lot of time the complaints are legitimate. However, the question must again be asked, “Have you honestly communicated your needs to your spouse? Do they really know what you need?”)
2. Now when it comes to material needs, it’s usually quite obvious what is needed (not a lot of communication needed here).
3. However, when you are talking about emotional or sexual needs, you need a lot of communication, and it needs to be honest communication.
4. (Illus.- But someone says, “Pastor, it’s hard for me to talk about such intimate things. Well, you have two choices. Either talk about these things, or suffer in silence. It’s up to you!)
5. And so, husbands and wives should be honest about their needs.

D. They should also be honest about their PROBLEMS.
1. Sometimes the problems are ignored altogether.
2. It’s almost as if they think that if they will ignore the problem, it will resolve itself or just go away on it’s own.
3. I assure you, this is almost never the case.
4. The vast majority of marital problems don’t got away on their own, but only get worse with time (so ignoring them is not the answer).
5. Sometimes couples will acknowledge that there is a problem, yet they will downplay or minimize it’s seriousness.
6. This too can be a big mistake.
7. While it is true that some problems are not that serious, other problems, if downplayed or minimized, have the potential of destroying a marriage.
8. And so, husbands and wives should be honest about their problems.

E. What did Paul say? He said, “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour:” (Eph. 4:25)

F. Not only should the communication that takes place in a marriage be honest, it should also be…

II. Timely.

A. Notice again Vrs. 26 of our text, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”
1. What do I mean when I say that the communication that takes place in a marriage should be timely?
2. I simply mean that when there is a problem in a marriage, when there are disagreements, when there are hurt feelings, when there are words of anger, through honest communication the issues should be resolved as soon as possible, preferably before the end of the day.
3. Listen, it is totally unrealistic to think that a husband and wife are never going to get angry with one another, even when they are madly in love.
4. It’s going to happen.
5. However, what Paul is telling us here is that when it does happen, we shouldn’t compound our sin by letting that anger or the issues that brought it about linger on.
6. Jay Adams put it like this, “Before the close of every day, our hearts should be flushed of all of the bitterness and anger that may have accumulated during the day. Nothing unforgiven, nothing unsettled, nothing unresolved should be carried over to the next day. Instead, interpersonal problems should be handled on a daily basis so that they do not build up and abscess.”

B. You know, anger can be handled WRONGLY in one of two ways.
1. Some people handle anger by “BLOWING UP.”
2. In fact, some psychologists actually believe that “blowing up” (venting one’s anger) is a really good thing.
3. They recommend to their counselees that they do whatever it takes to “get it out of their systems,” even if it means “screaming, or yelling, or throwing something at the person who is the object of your anger.”
4. There’s only problem with this kind of advice, it shows concern only for the feelings of one person (the one doing the screaming), certainly not for the feelings of the one being screamed at.
5. The Bible teaches us that we are to do the opposite, that we are to suppress our anger.
6. For example, Prov. 16:32 says, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”
7. And then again in Prov. 25:28, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

C. While some people handle anger by “blowing up,” others handle it by “CLAMMING UP.”
1. In fact, some Christians not only let “the sun go down upon” their “wrath,” they actually let many moons come and go without resolving the issues that are causing their anger.
2. (Illus.- Elliot and Marie sat across from their pastor ready to begin their first counseling session. The pastor noticed that Elliot had brought a briefcase with him, so he decided to begin the session with him. He said, “Elliot, what do you have in your briefcase?” Elliot said, “I’m glad you asked!” He then opened his briefcase, took out an 81/2 X 11 manuscript that was almost an inch thick and tossed it on the pastor’s desk. The pastor asked him, “What’s this?” Elliot replied, this is the reason that we are here today!” As the pastor began flipping through the manuscript, he discovered it to be a 13 year written record of all the things that his wife had ever done to make him angry. They were all listed and categorized. After a few moments, the pastor looked up and focused his eyes on Elliot, who no doubt was expecting him to begin scolding his wife for being such a terrible wife. Instead, the pastor said, “Elliot, in all of my years of counseling, I have never met anyone as full of resentment as you!” He said, “This is not only a record of what your wife has done to you, it is also a record of your sin against her and your sin against God!” Elliot sat in his chair with a shocked look on his face. The pastor went on to explain that by clamming up and harboring all of that resentment in his heart for 13 years, he had actually made the situation far worse.)

D. How then should husbands and wives deal with their anger?
1. By calmly and quickly discussing the issue that brought on the anger until the issue is resolved.
2. What did Paul say?
3. He said, “…let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” (Eph. 4:26)

E. Not only should the communication that takes place in a marriage be both honest and timely, it should also be…

III. Beneficial.

A. Notice again Vrs. 29 of our text, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

B. It’s sad to say, but in many marriages, most of the communication that takes place is anything but beneficial.
1. In these marriages words are used to hurt, to demoralize, to tear down.
2. Here’s what happens.
3. A problem develops in the marriage, words begin to fly, however, rather than the words being directed at the problem, they are instead directed at each other.
4. Rather than attacking the problem, they begin to attack one another!
5. This, of course, this kind of communication does absolutely nothing to solve the problem, but only makes things worse.
6. I think sometimes we forget who the real enemy is.
7. No matter how bad things are, no matter how serious the problems may be, our spouse is NOT the enemy.

C. Marriages need communication that is beneficial, that edifies or builds one another up, that “ministers grace unto the hearers,” that attacks THE PROBLEM, not one another.

D. By the way, some couples use a more subtle form of corrupt communication, it’s called SARCASM.
1. Sarcasm may be a little more subtle than an outright attack, however, it is just as destructive in a marriage.
2. Listen, I honestly believe that a marriage would be better off with NO communication, than with any form of corrupt communication.
3. If you can’t say something positive, if you can’t say something beneficial, if you can’t say something helpful, then just don’t say anything at all. (Don’t make the situation even worse than it already is!)
4. (Illus.- But someone says, “Pastor, the Bible says to speak the truth, and that’s all I’m doing, is speaking the truth!” Well, you may be speaking the truth, but the Bible also says to speak “the truth in love.” [Eph. 4:15] If you can’t speak the truth “in love,” then don’t speak it all!)

Conclusion:

A. What have we learned about the communication that takes place in a marriage?
1. It should be HONEST. (Open, truthful)
2. It should be TIMELY. (Resolve issues quickly.)
3. It should be BENEFICIAL. (Aimed at solving the problem, not tearing down your mate.)

B. How about it couples?
1. Do you have this kind of communication in your marriage?
2. If not, then you clearly have some work to do.
3. Perhaps you need to make you an altar somewhere and earnestly seek the Lord’s help to establish good communication in your marriage.

C. Someone says, “Pastor, it is too late for us!”
1. Listen, it’s never too late!
2. God can help you to overcome whatever problems you are facing in your marriage, but you have to seek Him.

D. Perhaps you are not saved. This is where you need to begin.

MP3 Version: “Whoso Findeth A Wife”

Scripture Text: Proverbs 18:22

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. As you know, for the past several weeks my Sunday morning messages have been focused on the subject of marriage.
1. This being true, I have been preaching primarily to those of you who are ALREADY MARRIED.
2. Well, this morning I would like to do something a little different, at least for one Sunday, and I would like to preach a message that is aimed at those of you who are of marrying age (or perhaps getting close to be of marrying age) but are STILL SINGLE.
3. As we saw earlier this morning, Solomon wrote in Prov. 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”

B. Now I realize that I may very well be speaking to someone this morning who is of marrying age and still single, but for one reason or another, you are NOT LOOKING for a mate.
1. And that’s okay.
2. In fact, the Bible teaches us that there are some definite ADVANTAGES to remaining single.
3. For example, notice what Paul wrote about single men, “He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:32-33)
4. Now notice what he wrote about single women, “The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:34)
5. Now what is Paul saying here?
6. He is simply saying that a single person will have LESS DISTRACTIONS when it comes to serving the Lord.
7. And so, it’s okay to be single, in fact, it can even be spiritually advantageous.
8. And so if you are single and are happy being single, my advice to you is to NOT go looking for a mate.

C. However, if that is not the case, if you are not happy being single, how does one go about finding a mate?
1. That’s what I want to talk to you about, this morning.
2. How to find, not just a mate, but a proper mate.

D. May I say, first of all, you need to be…

I. Particular.

A. In other words, you need to have some BASIC requirements for your future mate.
1. For example, when Abraham sent his “eldest servant” to find a wife for his son, Isaac, he made him “swear” that he would be PARTICULAR. (Gen. 24:3)
2. You see, not just any woman would do for his son.
3. She had to meet some basic requirements. (Gen. 24:4)
4. If you are looking for a mate, you TOO should…
-be particular,
-not settle for just any man or woman,
-have some basic requirements, some basic qualities that you are looking for in your future mate.

B. Now let me say, right off the bat, that I am NOT talking about PHYSICAL qualities.
1. (Illus.- Several years ago a young single guy came to me and asked me to pray for him because he was looking for what he called “a soul mate.” Well, I asked him, “What kind of a woman are you looking for?” I assumed that since he referred to his future wife as his “soul mate,” that he would begin with spiritual qualities. Boy, was I wrong. Here’s what he said, “Well, first of all, she has to be a blonde. Then she has to be pretty. She also has to have a good figure, and it wouldn’t hurt if she was also athletic,” and these were not all of the physical qualities that he mentioned. As I listened to him, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “This guy is not looking for a soul mate, he’s looking for a bed partner!”)
2. And so, when I say that you should have some basic qualities that you are looking for in your future mate, I am NOT talking about physical qualities.
3. At least, if you have physical qualities on your list, they should be way down at the BOTTOM of your list, certainly not the top!

C. What you should look for FIRST in your future mate are certain SPIRITUAL qualities.
1. In 1 Pet. 3:1-6, Peter admonishes Christian wives to be in subjection to their husbands, however, right in the middle of his admonition, he talks about what makes a woman truly beautiful.
2. Notice what he wrote in Vrs. 3-4, “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart,”
3. Listen, if you are truly looking for a soul mate, and not just a bed partner, you want to look at “the hidden man (woman) of the heart.” (In other words, a person’s inward, spiritual qualities.)

D. For example, you want to make sure that they are SAVED.
1. In fact, the Bible states very clearly that a believer should never marry an unbeliever.
2. Notice what Paul wrote in 2 Cor. 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers:”
3. Let’s go back to Abraham, for a moment.
4. Notice what he told his servant just before he sent him on his search for a wife for his son, Isaac; he said, “…thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” (Gen. 24:3-4)
5. In other words, find a woman who shares his spiritual heritage and his spiritual values.
6. You might also remember that before the children of Israel entered the promised land, God gave them a very stern warning, he said, concerning the Canaanites who lived in the land, “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.” (Deut. 7:3)

E. But someone asks, “What’s wrong with me marrying an unbeliever? Why is that NOT a good thing?”
1. Two reasons.
2. First of all, it is not a good thing because on a spiritual level, you have absolutely NOTHING in common with an unbeliever.
3. What did Paul say?
4. He said, “…for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14)
5. Listen, “righteousness” has absolutely NOTHING in common with “unrighteousness,” and “light” has absolutely NOTHING in common with “darkness!”
6. Even so, on a spiritual level, you have absolutely nothing in common with an unbeliever (you are living in two totally different worlds).
7. Can’t you see the problem with that???

F. There is another reason why marrying an unbeliever is not a good thing, and that is because more times than not, the unbeliever will pull the believer away from God.
1. This is why God warned the Israelites about intermarrying with the Canaanites.
2. Notice what He told them, “For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods:” (Deut. 7:4)
3. Isn’t this what happened to Solomon when he married all of those heathen women?
4. The Bible says in 1 Kings 11:4, “For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods:”
5. Listen, if it happened to Solomon, it will most likely happen to you as well!
6. And so, as you search for a mate, first and foremost, make sure that they are saved.

G. Also make sure that they are SERVING.
1. In other words, make sure that they are actively serving the Lord. For example…
2. Make sure that they are faithful in church.
3. Make sure that they are involved in ministry.
4. Make sure that they are givers (tithers).
5. Why is this important?
6. It’s important because it lets you know where their priorities lie.
7. They may be saved, yet if serving the Lord is not a priority in their lives, they would not make a suitable mate.
8. And so, as you search for a mate, make sure that they are saved and make sure that they are serving.

H. Also, make sure that they are SANCTIFIED.
1. In other words, make sure that they have a close walk with the Lord.
2. The truth is, they can be saved and even involved in Christian service, and not have a close walk with the Lord.
I. How do you go about finding a soul mate?
1. First of all, be particular.
2. May I say, secondly, that you should be…

II. Prayerful.

A. Notice something that Paul wrote to the Colossian believers in Col. 1:9, “For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;”
1. According to this verse, PRAYER is one of the means by which we can determine God’s will for our life.
2. And I can’t think of anything more important to pray about than finding a soul mate!

B. Now let’s go back to Abraham one more time, this morning.
1. When Abraham’s servant, Eliezer, arrived at “Nahor,” the city where he hoped to find a wife for Isaac, he stopped at a well just outside the city.
2. The reason he stopped there was because he knew that this was where the young ladies would be coming to draw water.
3. Do you know what was the FIRST thing he did, after bedding down his camels, when he arrived at the well?
4. He got on his knees and he began PRAYING to God.
5. Notice Gen. 24:12, “And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.”
6. In other words, “Lord, you know how important my mission is. You know how important it is that I find the right woman for my master’s son. Lord, please show kindness to my Master by showing me the woman whom you have chosen to be Isaac’s wife!”
7. If you know the rest of the story, you know that God answered Eliezer’s prayer and showed him that Rebecca was His choice for Isaac.

C. How does one go about finding one’s soul mate?
1. First of all, be particular.
2. Secondly, be prayerful.
3. Let me give you one more word of advice before I conclude, this morning, and that is, be…

III. Patient.

A. One of the most common mistakes that Christians make in selecting a soul mate is they get in a hurry.
1. Some things cannot be hurried.
2. Some things require patience.
3. Some things take time.
4. And selecting a mate for life is one of those things.

B. Over and over again God admonishes us in His Word to “wait” on Him.
1. For example, the Bible says in Psa. 27:14, “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”
2. TWICE in this one verse we are admonished to “wait on the Lord.”
3. Do you know what happens when we don’t wait?
4. Do you know what happens when we get ahead of the Lord?
5. Do you know what happens when we get in a hurry and don’t take the time to be particular and to pray.
6. We make mistakes!

C. One of the best examples of waiting patiently on the Lord is JACOB.
1. Remember how Jacob fell in love with Rachel, and when he went to her father and asked for her hand in marriage, he said, “Well, sure you can marry my daughter, but only AFTER you serve me for seven years.”
2. (Illus.- Can you imagine finding THE woman that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and being told by her father that not only would you have to wait for seven years, but also that during that seven years you had to serve him. I seriously doubt that very many young men today would agree to those terms.)
3. Jacob, however did agree to those terms.
4. But that’s not the end of the story.
5. After the seven years was up, and the wedding was over, Jacob discovered that his father-in-law had deceived him and given him Rachel’s sister, Leah, instead.
6. When Jacob protested, Laban said, “No problem, you can still have Rachel, only you will have to work for me ANOTHER SEVEN YEARS!
7. Now I’m sure that Jacob was not happy about it, however, he was so convinced that Rachel was the woman for him, he was willing to serve Laban for another seven years.
8. Talk about patience.

D. Now, am I saying that it will take you 14 years to find your soul mate?
1. I’m not saying that at all.
2. I’m just saying that good things come to those who…
-wait,
-are patient,
-take whatever time is necessary to be particular and to pray for God’s direction.
3. The Bible says in Lam. 3:25, “The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.”

Conclusion:

A. Now let’s go back to our original text, Prov. 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”
1. You know, this is ONLY true if you find the RIGHT wife or the RIGHT husband.
2. This is why you must be…
-PARTICULAR,
-PRAYERFUL,
-PATIENT.

“Keepers At Home”

MP3 Version: “Keepers At Home“

Scripture Text: Titus 2:5

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. Now before I say anything else this morning, I want to make something very clear.
1. It is NOT my intent to bash, or to slam, or to criticize, or to scold any wife who happens to work outside of the home (in other words, who is not a full-time homemaker).
2. I realize that today’s world is very different from the world in which June Cleaver lived.
3. I also realize that these are very difficult times in which we now live, and many wives are absolutely convinced that they have no choice but to work outside of the home.
4. And so, believe me when I say that I understand both of these things, and I am truly sympathetic with wives who feel themselves being torn between being a homemaker and helping to pay the bills.
5. However, at the same time, I have an OBLIGATION to tell you what the Bible says, without watering it down or trying to explain it away.
6. This is why I would ask you to remember, this morning, that I am just the MESSENGER, and if you are bothered (convicted) by what GOD says in His Word, please don’t take it out on me, but rather take it up WITH HIM.

B. Now, let’s look at our text.
1. Paul is giving instructions to various groups of believers.
2. First of all, he instructs the “aged men” to “…sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.” (Vrs. 2)
3. He then instructs the “aged women” to be “…in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;” (Vrs. 3)
4. Now after instructing the “aged men” as well as the “aged women,” Paul then gives some instructions to the “young women” within the church.
5. It’s important to note here that these instructions are intended specifically for young WIVES and young MOTHERS (mothers with young children).
6. We know that because in Vrs. 4 Paul admonishes them to “love their husbands” and “to love their children.”

C. Now what instructions does Paul give here to both “young wives” and “young mothers”?
1. In addition to instructing them to “love their husbands” and “love their children,” he also instructs them “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (Tit. 2:5)
2. Now because we are limited in time, this morning, I want us to focus our attention on just one phrase in this verse, the phrase, “…keepers at home.”
3. First of all, I want us to consider the…

I. Meaning Of This Phrase.

A. The phrase is actually translated from one Greek word (oikouros), which happens to be a compound word.
1. Part of the word (oik) means “household,” which includes not only the house itself, but also those who live within the house (the family).
2. The other part of the word (ouros) means “guardian” or “overseer.”
3. And so, the phrase “keepers at home” means “overseer of the household.”
4. Of course, it doesn’t mean someone who is TOTALLY confined to the house or someone who NEVER leaves home.
5. (Illus.- I’ve known a few husbands, over the years, who preferred that their wives never leave the house, and they would get upset every time they did. I asked one of them once, “Why are you so mean to your wife?” He said, “What do you mean, preacher?” I said, “You keep her locked up like she’s a prisoner.” He then told me this, he said, “Preacher, the Bible says that the wife should stay at home.”)
6. Well, first of all, the Bible does NOT say that the wife should stay at home, but rather that she should be “a keeper at home.”
7. And secondly, what that simply means is that she has the responsibility of overseeing the affairs of her household.

B. A few weeks ago I brought a message on the PRIMARY role of the wife in marriage.
1. As we saw from Gen. 2:18, a wife’s primary role is to be a “help meet” for her husband (her husband’s helper).
2. Well, that is her primary role, but a wife also has a SECONDARY role, and that is to be the overseer of her household.
3. This, of course, includes the care and raising of the children, that is if there are children.
4. Now let me stop here and say that the role of overseer of the household is an extremely IMPORTANT role.
5. Not only is it an important role, it is also a very DEMANDING and TIME CONSUMING role.
6. (Illus.- I remember visiting with a couple several years ago after they had visited with our church. I began our conversation by asking the husband what he did for a living. I don’t remember what he said, but he told me where he worked. I then turned to his wife and asked, “Do you work outside the home?” I’ll never forget what she said, she said, “No, I’m JUST a homemaker!” I said, “Mam, I understand what you mean, but, mam, there is NO such thing as JUST a homemaker!”)
7. Being a homemaker is one of the most important and most demanding jobs that a woman can have.
8. By the way, it is also one of the most REWARDING jobs that a woman can have.

C. But someone asks, “What about my husband? If my role is to oversee the household, what is his role?”
1. When it comes to the family, his primary role is to earn a living for his family.
2. Do you remember what God told Adam?
3. He said, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground;” (Gen. 3:19)
4. In other words, “Adam, from now on, you are going to have to WORK HARD to provide bread for yourself and your family.”
5. And so, the husband’s primary role is not to oversee or manage the household, but rather to PROVIDE for the needs of his household.
6. Now this does not mean that he cannot help out from time to time (in fact, he should).
7. Listen fellows, when you come home after a hard day’s work, you are NOT THE ONLY ONE who is tired!
8. If your wife has been managing your household all day long, I’ll guarantee that she is just as tired as you, if not more tired.

D. And so, to be “a keeper at home” simply means to be an overseer or a manager of the household.

E. Now I want us to consider the

II. Motives For Working Outside The Home.

A. In other words, with all of the responsibilities involved with being the God- appointed overseer of her household, why in the world would a wife even think about taking on an additional job working outside the home?

B. There are at least three different reasons that come to mind.
1. Some women do it OUT OF NECESSITY (or because of a perceived necessity).
2. Let’s face it, sometimes catastrophic events take place in our lives that place a HUGE financial burden upon the family.
3. Dad loses his job.
4. Dad is in a car wreck and is permanently disabled.
5. Little Johnny becomes seriously ill and the medical bills begin piling up.
6. These catastrophic events, as well as others that I did not mention, can place a huge financial burden on the family.
7. Of course, that’s when we look to our extended family and our church family for help, but even that may not be enough to get us through.
8. I just know that there are a lot of wives and mothers who are working outside of the home, not because they want to, but because they feel like they have no other option.

C. For others, however, it IS a choice.
1. For example, some wives work outside the home because they desire a higher standard of living than their husbands alone can provide for them.
2. They want to live in a luxurious house, they want to drive new cars, they want to wear designer clothing.
3. They want to do their shopping at the mall rather than Wal Mart.
4. Now a lot of these wives will tell you that they work because they HAVE to work, however, if the truth were known, they COULD make it on their husband’s income alone.
5. No, they wouldn’t be able to enjoy the same standard of living that they are enjoying now, but their basic needs would be met.
6. And so, some wives work outside the home because they (and perhaps their husbands) desire a higher standard of living than one income can afford.

D. There is at least one more reason that some wives choose to work outside the home, and that is because of DISSATISFACTION.
1. While they may not admit it if you were to ask them, the truth is they are no longer satisfied with being a wife and a mother.
2. In other words, they no longer find it fulfilling.
3. Now please don’t misunderstand what I am saying.
4. I am not saying that wives and mothers should ONLY be wives and mothers and nothing else, however, if you cannot be happy, if you cannot find fulfillment in being a wife and a mother, you are NOT going to find it any where else.
5. And do you know why?
6. Because that is your God-given purpose in life!

E. Now this raises a question. Is it a…

III. Mistake For A Wife And Mother To Work Outside The Home?

A. Now I am not going to answer that question for you, because I want you to answer it FOR YOURSELF.
1. But before you do, I want you to answer some questions for me.
2. First of all, is it absolutely necessary?
3. As you know, Jesus was criticized by the Pharisees because He healed people on the Sabbath.
4. Do you remember how Jesus responded to this criticism?
5. He responded by asking them a question, “Which of you shall have an ass or an ox fallen into a pit, and will not straightway pull him out on the sabbath day?” (Luke 14:5)
6. In other words, when faced with an emergency, you do what you have to do.
7. But is it absolutely necessary that you work outside the home, or could you perhaps make it on one income by simply lowering your standard of living a bit?
8. Just something to consider.

B. Now if it is clearly not a necessity, answer another question for me.
1. Is the reason that you want to work outside the home the fact that you no longer find joy and fulfillment in being a wife and a mother?
2. If that is your motive, then you have a very serious spiritual problem that needs to be addressed before you make any life altering decisions.
3. Remember what I said earlier, if you cannot find fulfillment in being a wife and a mother, then you won’t find it doing anything else.

C. Now if that is clearly not your motive, answer one more question for me.
1. Will working outside the home result in your household or your children being neglected?
2. (Illus.- In the past, when I have preached on this subject, there is usually at least one wife who will come to me and say, “Pastor, what about the “virtuous woman” that Solomon describes in Prov. 31? It says things like “She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar,” and “She considereth a field, and buyeth it,” and “…with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.” There’s NO WAY that a woman could do all of these things and never leave home!)
3. That’s true, a wife and a mother could not possibly do all of those things and never leave home.
4. However, Solomon also said about this woman that “she looketh well to the ways of her household.” (Vrs. 27)
5. In other words, in all of her goings and comings, she makes absolutely sure that her household and her children are not neglected.

Conclusion:

A. Is it a mistake for a wife and a mother to work outside the home?
1. I will let you answer that question for yourself.
2. Just remember that when you stand before Christ one day, you will have to explain to Him why you answered that question the way you did.
3. Also remember that there is a lot at stake here, and you only get one life to one, one opportunity to be the wife and mother that God would have you to be.
4. Please don’t blow it!

B. Perhaps I am speaking to someone who is not saved.

MP3 Version: “If Any Obey Not The Word”

Scripture Text: 1 Peter 3:1-6

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. (Illus.- Several years ago a lady joined our church who’s husband was not a church-goer. In fact, not only did he not attend church, but he was not even saved [believer in Christ]. A few months after she joined, this same lady came to me for advice concerning how to live with a husband who was not a Christian. Without going into any detail, I immediately took her to 1 Peter 3, and we had a little Bible study on the verses that Bro. Mike read just a moment ago.)
1. Why these verses?
2. Because they address this very situation, where a woman who is saved, finds herself married to a man who is not.

B. “HOW does this happen?” someone asks.
1. It happens in one of TWO ways.
2. Sometimes a woman who is saved marries a man who is NOT saved.
3. While this is very common today, it is most certainly contrary to biblical teaching (principle).
4. For example, the Bible plainly says in 2 Cor. 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
5. And so, sometimes a woman who is saved marries a man who is not saved, even though she shouldn’t.
6. Another way it can happen is that sometimes a woman comes to Christ AFTER she is married, but her unsaved husband does not. (This was the case with the dear sister that I mentioned a moment ago.)
C. But, again, the question is this, “What is a woman to do, a woman who is saved, if, for some reason, she finds herself married to an unsaved man?”
1. How is she to handle that situation?
2. May I say, first and foremost, that she should…

I. Stay With Him.

A. Leaving him is NOT an option.
1. Bailing out of the marriage is NOT an option.
2. Divorcing him is clearly NOT an option, unless infidelity is an issue.
3. Paul dealt with this very situation in 1 Cor. 7; notice what he wrote in Vrs. 13, “And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.”
4. Notice again the words, “…let her not leave him.”
5. And so, leaving him is not an option.
6. Now Paul did go on to write in Vrs. 15, “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases:”
7. In other words, if he decides that he no longer wants to be married to a Christian woman and leaves her, she should let him go.
8. However, if that is not the case, if he is happy being married to her, even though she is a Christian, she should NOT leave him.

B. The Bible is very clear when it comes to the subject of divorce.
1. There is only ONE justification for divorcing your spouse, and that is infidelity.
2. Do you remember what Jesus said in Matt. 19:9, “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery:”
3. Notice again the words, “…except it be for fornication,”
4. Now this does not mean that divorce should be automatic in these cases.
5. Where there is true repentance on the part of the offender, as well as a willingness to forgive on the part of the offended, even these marriages can be saved.
6. However, if this is not the case, then as sad as it is, divorce is a justifiable option.

C. And so, “What is a woman to do, a woman who is saved, if, for some reason, she finds herself married to an unsaved man?”
1. First and foremost, she should stay with him.
2. May I say, also, that she should…

II. Be A Model Wife.

A. Notice again Peter’s words in Vrs. 1 of our text, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word,”
1. And then in Vrs. 6, “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord:”
2. Now what is Peter telling wives here?
2. He’s simply telling them that even if their husband is not saved, even if he is not a believer in Christ, even if he does not share their faith in Christ, they should STILL be submissive and obedient wives.

B. Now there is a very important principle here that both wives and husbands need to understand.
1. Our responsibility to be good wives or good husbands in no way is lessened if our spouses do not reciprocate.
2. In other words, if you husband is a lousy husband, you should still be a good wife, and if you wife is a lousy wife, you should still be a good husband.
3. (Illus.- I remember counseling with a lady once who was extremely upset with her husband, and to be honest, she had some very legitimate complaints. I knew her husband well and I knew that in may ways he was not a good husband. After she had finished telling me about all of her husband’s shortcomings, she asked me, “Pastor, what should I do?” I will never forget the surprised look on her face when I said to her, “Be a model wife.” She said, “Wait a minute, we are not talking about me here, we are talking about my husband.” I said, “I know, but you asked me what YOU should do, and what YOU should do is to be the very best wife that you can possibly be.”)
4. The same thing is true if the situation is reversed.
5. If a husband comes to me complaining about his wife, I would give him the very SAME advice.
6. I would say to him, “Be a model husband. Love your wife. Honor your wife. Be the very best husband that you can possibly be.”

C. This same principle can be applied to all human relationships.
1. Take, for example, the employer-employee relationship.
2. Notice 1 Pet. 2:18, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.”
3. Notice again the words, “…but also to the froward.”
4. Do you know what that word “froward” means?
5. It means “warped, crooked, perverse.”
6. And so, what Peter is telling us here is this: even if our boss is the WORST boss in the world, as long as we are in his employment, we have an obligation before God to be the BEST employees that we can possibly be.

D. Is your husband unsaved?
1. Is your husband saved, but not a good Christian?
2. Is your husband, generally speaking, a terrible husband?
3. None of these things lessens your responsibility to be a good wife, and so, my advice to you is to be a model wife.

E. Now I know what you are asking yourself right about now. You are asking…

III. Why?

A. “Why should I stay with my husband, why should I be a model wife, if my husband is not saved, or if he is not a good husband? Why, pastor?”
1. Of course, the bottom line is, you should do it because God in His Word commands you to do it, and those commands are clearly UNCONDITIONAL.
2. But there is another reason.
3. You should do it because this is your BEST HOPE of seeing your husband change (for the better).

B. Notice again Vrs. 1 of our text, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;”
1. Did you notice the phrase “…without the word”?
2. I’m afraid that a lot of wives think they can change their husbands by preaching to them, or as some might put it, nagging them.
3. Ladies, let me tell you something about me (and I know something about men because I am a man), men don’t like to be preached to by women, especially their wives, and even if they know in their heart that you are right and they are wrong, you’re never going to get them to admit it by preaching to them. (Take my word for it!)
4. In fact, all you will accomplish by preaching to them is that you will cause them to “DIG IN THEIR HEELS” a little deeper. (You will only make matters worse.)

C. But someone asks, “If preaching isn’t going to work, then how am I going to convince my husband that he needs to change?”
1. The answer is, “YOU are not!”
2. You can preach to him until you are blue in the face, and YOU are not going to convince him to change.
3. You see, this is something that ONLY GOD can do!
4. But God does need your help!
5. “HOW does God need your help?”
6. He needs you to live an exemplary life before your husband.
7. He needs you to stand by him (be his helper).
8. He needs you to submit to him (place yourself under his authority).
9. He needs you to be everything that a Christian wife ought to be to her husband.
10. Notice again Vrs. 1 of our text, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;”
11. The word “conversation” here means “behavior” or “lifestyle.”
12. What Peter is saying here is that wives should seek to win over their husbands, not by preaching to them, but by being the kind of wife that God intends for them to be.

D. But someone asks, “HOW is that going to win over my husband? How is that going to result in his being changed (for the better)?”
1. The answer is found in Rom. 12:20-21, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”
2. Notice again the words, “…but overcome evil with good.”
3. I’m afraid that a lot of wives think that the way to overcome the bad behavior of their husbands is by behaving badly themselves.
4. You know, this “I’LL SHOW HIM” mentality!
5. The problem, however, is that if you respond to your husband’s bad behavior with bad behavior of your own, that only encourages MORE bad behavior on his part, making things even worse than they were.
6. God’s way is to “overcome evil with good.”
7. God’s way is to “heap coals of fire on his head” (not literally, of course).
8. God’s way is to “feed him” if he is hungry, to “give him…drink” if he is thirsty, thus “KILLING HIM WITH KINDNESS.”

E. By the way, God practiced this very principle Himself in bringing us to Him!
1. Notice the question that Paul asked in Rom. 2:4, “Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?”
2. Listen, if God used His “goodness” and kindness to win us over to Himself, don’t you wives think that you would be wise to use this same method in trying to win over your husbands?
3. But someone asks, “Pastor, can you GUARANTEE that this will work with my husband?”
4. No, I can’t guarantee that it will work with your husband, but I’ll tell you what I can guarantee, I can guarantee that if you try any other method, it will NOT work!
5. But then, because of your past experience, you may already know that.

Conclusion:

A. Perhaps I am speaking to a wife this morning who’s husband is not the kind of husband that he ought to be.
1. Perhaps he is not saved.
2. Perhaps he is saved, but he is not right with God.
3. But for one reason or another, he’s not a good husband.
4. What should a wife do in this situation?
5. First and foremost, you should STAY WITH HIM.
6. And then you should BE A MODEL WIFE.
7. WHY?
8. Because the way to overcome evil is with good.

B. By the way, the same thing is true when the situation is reversed.
1. Perhaps I am speaking to a husband this morning who’s wife is not the kind of wife that she ought to be.
2. What is a husband to do in this situation?
3. First of all, you should stay with her.
4. And then you should strive to be a model husband.
5. You should love her, honor her, and pray for her, no matter what.
6. Why?
7. Because the way to overcome evil is with good.

C. Perhaps I am speaking to someone this morning who is not saved.

MP3 Version: “Wives, Submit Yourselves”

Scripture Text: Ephesians 5:22-24,33

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. Now before I say anything else, this morning, I want to make something very clear.
1. There are MANY different ingredients that go into a successful marriage.
2. For example, as we have already seen, you need a husband who, first and foremost, is right with God, a husband who walks with God and communes with God on a daily basis.
3. You also need a husband who understands and fulfills his role as the spiritual leader of his family, a husband who’s leadership is confident, loving and exemplary.
4. You also need a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church, a husband who loves his wife with a selfless love, a serving love, and a sacrificial love.
5. You also need a husband who strives every day to be a good husband, a husband who knows his wife, honors his wife, and prays for his wife.
6. And these are just the necessary ingredients that the HUSBAND brings to the marriage.
7. As we began to see last Sunday, there are also some necessary ingredients that the WIFE brings to the marriage, such as a wife who understands and fulfills her role as her husband’s helper.
8. And so, there are many different ingredients that go into a successful marriage, some of which are brought to the marriage by the husband, and some by the wife.

B. Now, because this is true, if ANY of these necessary ingredients are missing from the marriage, there are going to be problems, perhaps serious problems, depending on what is missing.
1. (Illus.- It’s like a pecan pie. While I can’t tell you what they are, I’m sure that there are many necessary ingredients that go into the making of a good pecan pie, and that if you leave any of these ingredients out, the pie is not going to be good. You see, every ingredient is important.)
2. The same thing is true when it comes to marriage.
3. Every ingredient is important, and if a marriage is to be everything that God intends for it to be, ALL necessary ingredients must be present!

C. This morning, I want us to consider a second necessary ingredient that the wife brings to the marriage, and that is a wife who is SUBMISSIVE to her husband.
1. Notice again Vrs. 22 of our text, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,”
2. Then again in Vrs. 24, “…so let the wives be [submissive] to their own husbands in every thing.”
3. Then again in Vrs. 33, “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
4. THREE times in this passage alone, wives are commanded to be submissive to their husbands.

D. Let us begin our discussion of this subject by focusing our attention on the…

I. Meaning Of Submission.

A. When Paul admonished wives to “submit” to their “own husbands,” what exactly did he mean.
1. Let me tell you, first of all, what he did NOT mean.
2. He did not mean that wives are to assume the role of a servant or slave, treating their husbands like their masters.
3. One idea of submission that is widespread today, especially in Islamic cultures, is that the wife is a piece of property, owned and operated by her husband, that she must bow and scrape before him, never offering an objection or a suggestion of her own, that she must not open her mouth or her mind, that she must do his bidding without question.
4. While this may be how some men or some cultures define submission, this is clearly NOT what Paul had in mind when he admonished wives to “submit” to their “husbands.”

B. Well then, what did Paul mean?
1. If he didn’t mean that wives are to be their husband’s slaves, what did he mean?
2. He simply meant that the wife is to place herself under the authority of her husband, realizing that in matters of principle (not preference), God has ordained him to be the final authority as far as the family is concerned.
3. Now I realize that a lot of women, even some who profess to be Christians, object to this concept.
4. (Illus.- For example, many years ago the Southern Baptist Convention, while holding their annual meeting, adopted a resolution on the family that included the headship of husbands and the submission of wives. Well, when they did that, the modernists and liberals within the convention went nuts. They said that this concept was both archaic and demeaning to women.)
5. And so, a lot of women object to this concept.
6. But it doesn’t change the fact that it is a Biblical concept.

C. Let’s look at three more passages that deal with this same subject.
1. First of all, look at Gen. 3:16.
2. Notice what God said to Eve after her’s and Adam’s sin was found out, “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
3. Some have said that this thing of wives submitting to their husbands was strictly the brainchild of the Apostle Paul and the only reason he came up with is was because he hated women.
4. But this statement was uttered by God Himself long before the days of Paul (this statement was uttered when Adam and Eve were still in the garden).
5. Consider also at Tit. 2:4-5.
6. Paul is instructing the older women – notice what he instructed them to do, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,..To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
7. Finally, look at 1 Pet. 3:1, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;”
8. And so, even though a lot of women object to the concept of wives submitting to their husbands, it is a Biblical concept.

D. What then does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband?
1. It means to place herself under her husband’s authority, realizing that he is the one whom God has ordained to be the final authority in the home.
2. Now lets notice the…

II. Method Of Submission.

A. Exactly how does a wife submit to her husband?
1. Paul tells us how in our text.
2. Look again at the latter part of Vrs. 22, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
3. Notice the words, “as unto the Lord.”

B. Now what does that mean?
1. It simply means that wives should submit themselves to their husbands in the same way as they submit themselves to the Lord.
2. But some wife says, “Wait a minute preacher. My husband is a good man, a kind man, a loving man, but he certainly is NOT GOD!”
3. I didn’t say he was.
4. Listen, I know your husband, and I know he is not God (not anywheres close).
5. But as far as the home is concerned, he is God’s representative, (he is the one whom God has placed at the top of the chain of command).

C. I think I can illustrate it like this.
1. In the home, husbands are like magistrates in our society today.
2. Notice what Paul wrote in Rom. 13:1-2, “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God:”
3. In our society today, we have magistrates (judges).
4. We have federal judges (including the Supreme Court Justices), state judges and local judges.
5. Not only do we have judges, but these judges make decisions that affect all of our lives.
6. They decide what is right and wrong.
7. They decide who is guilty and who is not guilty.
8. They decide on the degree of punishment for the guilty.
9. All of our lives, in some way are affected by the decisions that judges make.
10. Well, someone asks, “Who gives them the right to make such decisions? Who do they think they are, God?”
11. No, they are not God, but they are God’s representatives in society, and because they are, we must willingly place ourselves under their authority.
12. The same thing is true of husbands in the home.
13. No, they are NOT God; however they are God’s representatives in the home.
14. This is why wives should submit to their husbands in the same fashion as they submit to the Lord.

D. Someone says, “But pastor, my husband is NOT SAVED.”
1. It doesn’t matter, you are still to submit.
2. (Illus.- By the way, the vast majority of judges today are not born again. I can just imagine what would happen if you were to tell a judge, “But judge, I don’t have to listen to you because you are not born again!” He is going to tell you, “It doesn’t matter.” And it doesn’t.)
3. Someone says, “But pastor, my husband is NOT A GOOD CHRISTIAN (he’s saved, but he’s not living the way that he should).”
4. It doesn’t matter, you are still to submit.
5. Someone says, “But pastor, my husband DOESN’T LOVE ME the way he should.”
6. Again, it doesn’t matter, you are still to submit.

E. Is there ever a time when a wife should not submit to the authority of her husband?
1. The answer is yes.
2. Whenever her husband insists that she do something which is clearly contrary to the teachings and principles of God’s Word!
3. (Illus.- I realize that this is an extreme example, but suppose a man decided that he was going to rob a bank and insisted that his wife drive the getaway car.)
4. Why should a wife disobey her husband in situations like that?
5. Because ultimately, God is her final authority, and one day she must answer to him.
6. I’m reminded of one occasion when Peter and the other apostles were commanded by the authorities in Jerusalem to stop preaching the gospel.
7. Do you remember what they told the authorities?
8. They said, “We ought to obey God rather than men.” (Acts 5:29)

F. And so, we see the method of submission.
1. We’ve seen the meaning of submission.
2. We’ve seen the method of submission.
3. Finally, this morning, let’s consider the…

III. Model For Submission.

A. Look again at Vrs. 23-24 of our text, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
1. What is the model of submission?
2. The church is the model of submission.

B. Notice, first of all, that according to Vrs. 23, “Christ is the head of the church.”
1. Now what does this mean.
2. It simply means that as far as the church is concerned, Christ is the final authority.
3. Paul put it like this in Col. 1:17-18, “And he (Christ) is before all things, and by him all things consist…And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence.”
4. (Illus.- I’ve told you this story many times before, but let me tell it again. About 35 years ago, when we were preparing to build this building, I went to the Bank of Charles Town, and asked them for a loan. I was interviewed by Donald Smith, who was the president of the bank at that time. During the course of the conversation, he said, “Reverend Withem, where is your church diocese located?” I said, “What?” He said, “Where does your Bishop reside?” Again, I said, “What?” He then asked, “Where is your church headquarters located?” I said, “Heaven.” When I finally realized what he was asking and tried to explain to him how our church operated, he, being an Episcopalian, he could not comprehend a church that answered only to Christ.)
5. And so, Christ is the head of the church, which means that he is the church’s final authority.

C. Well, that being true, the church (this church) has a responsibility to submit to Christ’s authority.
1. But someone asks, “What does that have to do with wives and their husbands?” (Everything!)
2. You see, the church is the MODEL for submission.
3. In other words, as the church is subject to Christ, even so wives should be subject to their husbands.
4. Notice again Vrs. 24, “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

D. Did you notice the last three words in that verse?
1. It says, “…in every thing.”
2. (Illus.- A few years ago I was counseling with a husband and wife and the wife said this, “Pastor, I don’t have a problem submitting to my husband’s authority in most things, but there are few things with which I really struggle.)
3. Struggle or not, the church is the model for submission, and if you are to follow this model, you WILL submit to your husband “…in every thing.” (Can’t pick and choose.)

E. And so, we see the model for submission.

Conclusion:

A. What is the second necessary ingredient that the wife brings to a successful marriage?
1. A submissive wife. A wife who willingly and happily places herself under her husband’s authority, realizing that he is the one whom God has ordained to be the final authority in the home.
2. You show me a marriage where the wife refuses to submit to the authority of her husband, and I will show you a marriage that has some serious problems.

B. But let me say just a word to the husbands here this morning.
1. Before you do too much celebrating about being the final authority, let me remind you of something.
2. Let me remind you that being the final authority, one day you will have to ANSWER TO GOD for how you have used that authority.

C. How about it wives?
1. Are you a submissive wife?

MP3 Version: “An Help Meet For Him”

Scripture Text:  Genesis 2:18

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. For several weeks now I have been preaching on the subject of marriage and the family.
1. Thus far, we have focused most of our attention on the role of the husband.
2. What is the husband’s role in marriage?
3. His role is one of LEADERSHIP.
4. In other words, like Joshua of old, he is to be the spiritual leader of his family.)
5. His leadership should be…
-LOVING,
-CONFIDENT,
-EXEMPLARY.

B. We also learned that a husband should LOVE his wife.
1. The Bible says in Eph. 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
2. How did Christ love the church?
3. He loved it with a…
-SELFLESS love,
-SERVING love,
-SACRIFICIAL love.

C. We also learned that a husband should be a GOOD husband.
1. What constitutes a good husband? A good husband…
-KNOWS his wife,
-HONORS his wife,
-PRAYS for his wife.
2. The Bible says in 1 Pet. 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
3. And so, thus far, we have focused most of our attention on the role of the husband in marriage.

D. This morning, however, it is time to change our focus from the husband to the WIFE, and I want us to begin by answering this question, “What is the wife’s PRIMARY role in the marriage relationship?”
1. In order to answer this question, we must go back to the very beginning, the book of Genesis, when God created the first woman.
2. The first thing that I want to bring your attention, this morning, is the fact that as wonderful a creation that he was, by himself,…

I. Adam Was Seriously Lacking.

A. How do we know this?
1. We know this because of what God said in Gen. 2:18, “…It is not good that the man should be alone;”
2. Notice the words “not good.”
3. You know, it’s interesting how that when God created “light,” He said in Gen. 1:4 that “…it was good:”
4. When God created the “dry land,” as well as the vegetation that covered the earth, again, He said in Gen. 1:12 that “…it was good.”
5. When God created the sun, the moon and the stars,  again, He said in Gen. 1:18 that “…it was good.”
6. When God created the “fowl” of the air and the fish in the seas, again, He said in Gen. 1:21 that “…it was good.”
7. When God created the land animals, again, He said in Gen. 1:25 that “…it was good.”
8. And so, five different times, when God created…
-light,
-dry land,
-heavenly bodies,
-fowl and the fish,
-the land animals,
each time God said that “…it was good.”
9. However, after God had created Adam, He said just the OPPOSITE, He said, “…It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Gen. 2:18)

B. Now this does not mean that there was something WRONG with Adam, or that he was FLAWED in some way.
1. It simply means that Adam, by himself, was seriously lacking.
2. In other words, he was INCOMPLETE!
3. Let me show you what I mean.
4. After God had created Eve, He said this, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24)
5. Now think about this, if Adam and Eve together were “one flesh” (one whole person), then before Eve came along, Adam must have been half a person.
6. That, of course, is not true, literally, however, there is a sense in which it is true.
7. Without Eve, Adam was incomplete!

C. (Illus.- Let me give you another example. I’ve heard many of you husbands refer to your wives as your “better half.” If that is true, if your wife is your better half, then you must have been HALF A MAN before you met her!)
1. You smile at that, but there is a lot of truth to that!
2. And so, by himself, Adam was seriously lacking.

D. The second thing that I want to bring to your attention, this morning, is the fact that…

II. God Made Eve To Complete Adam.

A. God said, “…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Gen. 2:18)
1. That phrase “an help meet” is translated from a Greek word (ezer) that literally means “someone to HELP or to render AID.”
2. And so, what God said was, “I will make Adam someone to help him, someone to render aid to him, someone to assist him in becoming a COMPLETE (whole)  man.

B. What did God do then?
1. He “…caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam,…and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And [from] the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman,” (Gen. 2:21-22)
2. After God had created Eve and brought her to Adam, he joined them both together as man and wife, and as a result, Adam became a complete (whole) man.
3. He was no longer alone.
4. He was no longer without a helper.
5. He was no longer without someone to aid him in fulfilling God’s purpose for his life.

C. Which brings us back to my original question.
1. What is a wife’s primary role in the marriage relationship?
2. Her primary role is to be…

III. A Help To Her Husband.

A. Now I realize that this will not sit well with many wives today, especially those who are of a LIBERAL persuasion.
1. But the fact is, if you are married, your life should REVOLVE around your husband.
2. Other than the LORD, of course, He should be at the CENTER of your life.
3. Every thing you do, and I mean EVERY thing, first and foremost, should be done with him in mind.
4. You should constantly be asking yourself the question, “How can I help my husband, how can I aid my husband, how can I assist him in becoming the man that God would have him to be?”
5. Every thing else in your life should be SECONDARY to this primary role.

B. But someone says, “Wait a minute, pastor, you are getting ALL of that from Gen. 2:18?
1. YES I am, however, this is not the only place in God’s Word where we find this principle taught.
2. For example, in 1 Cor. 11, Paul is dealing with the subject of head coverings, how that Christian men should have short hair and Christian women should keep their hair long.
3. Notice the reason that he gives for this in Vrs. 7-9, “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
4. Notice again the last phrase in this passage, Paul said, “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
5. I know this is a very old-fashioned idea.
6. I know it runs contrary to modern thought.
7. I know it doesn’t sit well with the “women-libbers” of our day.
8. But the Bible is VERY clear on this, a wife’s primary role in the marriage relationship is to be A HELP TO HER HUSBAND.

C. (Illus.- I was reading a book by Dr. Jay Adams last week and I came across a quote that says it very well. Here is what he said, “The husband must learn to love his wife as Jesus Christ loves His church. A husband, if need be, should be willing to give up his life for his wife. On the other hand, a wife should so love her husband that she is willing to live for him. She must be willing to POUR HER LIFE INTO BEING HIS HELPER.”)

D. But someone says, “Wait a minute, pastor, this is not fair! The only one who benefits from this kind of an arrangement is my husband. What about ME and MY NEEDS?”
1. That’s a good question, however, your premise is wrong.
2. You see, your husband is NOT the only one who benefits, but YOU benefit as well.
3. It’s like this, the more you devote your life to helping your husband, the better man he becomes, and the better man he becomes, the better husband he will be to you!
4. (Illus.- I sometimes hear wives complain about their “worthless, no-count husbands,” and I realize that sometimes these complaints are to some extent justified. However, I can’t help but wonder if at least PART of the reason that these wives have “worthless, no-count” HUSBANDS, is because their husbands have “worthless, no-count” HELPERS.)

E. Do you understand what I am saying, ladies?
1. Your husband is, at least in part, the man that you have made him!
2. If he is WEAK, it is because you have made him weak
3. If he is INSECURE, it is because you have made him insecure.
4. If he is INADEQUATE, it is because you have made him inadequate.
5. If he is LACKING in any way, it is because you haven’t fulfilled your role as his completer.
6. Listen, ladies, perhaps if you would spend LESS time criticizing and tearing down your husband, and MORE time encouraging and building him up, he would become a better man, thus becoming a better husband, thus making you a much happier and more satisfied wife!

F. There is something else that I want to call to your attention here.
1. If a wife is UNHAPPY in her marriage, it is most likely because she is not fulfilling her role in the marriage.
2. (Illus.- Years ago I heard a sermon by the late Dr. Jack Hyles entitled, “Woman, The Completer.” Last week I found the text for this sermon on the internet. Notice how Bro. Hyles begins his sermon, “Nothing is happy, until it fulfills its purpose for existence. God has made everything on purpose. He makes nothing by accident. Nothing is happy until it finds the purpose for which God has made it. No one is happy unless he finds and fulfills the purpose for which God has made him.”)
3. (Illus.- For example, God made an eagle to soar. If an eagle does not soar, it is not happy. An eagle can say, “I want to be a fish and swim,” but an eagle won’t be happy swimming. An eagle can say, “I want to be a dog and run through the yard,” but an eagle won’t be happy running through the yard. An eagle is happy ONLY when it is soaring. Why? Because God made an eagle to soar!)
4. The same thing is true with people.
5. God made woman for man.
6. God made a wife for her husband.
7. God made a wife to devote her life to helping her husband become all that he can be, and she is NOT going to be happy unless she is fulfilling that purpose.

G. Some wives think that they can find happiness in devoting their lives to their children, but they can’t.
1. When God created Eve, He didn’t look down from heaven and see children who needed rearing, but rather a man who needed completing.
2. Listen, ladies, while I would never advocate neglecting your children, before you were a mother, you were a wife, and your husband needs you far MORE than your children!
3. Other wives think that they can find happiness in devoting their lives to a career, but they can’t.
4. When God created Eve, He didn’t look down from heaven and see a company that needed an employee, but rather a husband who needed a completer.
5. Now this is not to say that a wife should never work outside the home (I will deal with this more later on), but before you were a working woman, you were a wife, and your husband needs you far MORE than your employer.
6. Listen ladies, you can disagree with me if you want, but the honest truth is, the ONLY way that you are going to be truly happy is by fulfilling your God-given purpose as a wife and making helping your husband your number one priority in life.

Conclusion:

A. What have we learned this morning?
1. First all, we learned that as wonderful a creation as he was, by himself, ADAM WAS SEVERELY LACKING.
2. Secondly, we learned that GOD MADE EVE TO COMPLETE ADAM.
3. Last of all, we learned that a wife’s primary role in the marriage relationship is to be A HELP TO HER HUSBAND.

B. Ladies, are you fulfilling your God-given role in your marriage?
1. Are devoted to your husband?
2. Is he the most important person in your life?
3. Do you put him before your children, before your career, or anything else in your life?
4. Are you fully committed to helping him become every thing that God would have him to be.
5. If you cannot answer yes to all of these questions, I know something about you, I know that you are not as happy with your marriage as you should be.
6. Why? Because you are not fulfilling the purpose for which God made you.
7. While your husband suffers from you lack of devotion to him, YOU are the real loser here.

Scripture Text:  1 Corinthians 13:7

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. (Illus.- A man decided one day to show his wife how much he loved her, and so before going home from work, he stopped by the gym, where he showered, shaved, and put on some choice cologne. Upon leaving the gym he stopped by the florist and bought his wife a beautiful bouquet of flowers. He then walked up to his front door and knocked. When his wife answered the door and saw him standing there, all decked out with the bouquet of flowers in hand, she said, “Oh no! This has been a terrible day! First I had to take Billy to the emergency room and get stitches in his leg, then your mother called and said she’s coming for two weeks, then the washing machine broke, and now this! You come home drunk!”)
1. While this man’s motives were certainly honorable, he might have chosen a better way to show his wife how much he loved her.
2. How does a man show his wife that he loves her, or how does a wife show her husband that she loves him?
3. As we have already seen in this current sermon series, the answer is found in 1 Corinthians 13, a chapter in God’s Word that has come to be called “The LOVE Chapter.”

B. Now, what have we learned thus far.
1. First of all, we learned that to love your spouse means to be PATIENT with them, willing to endure their many imperfections. (“Charity suffereth long,”)
2. To love your spouse also means to be SATISFIED with them, not wishing that you were married to anyone else. (“charity envieth not;”)
3. To love your spouse also means to be HUMBLE toward them, willing to admit it when you are wrong and to humbly seek their forgiveness. (“charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,”)
4. To love your spouse also means to be MANNERLY towards them, showing them the same common courtesies that you would show a stranger. (“Charity…Doth not behave itself unseemly,”)
5. To love your spouse also means to UNSELFISH, putting their needs and their desires before your own. (Charity…seeketh not her own,”)
6. And then last of all, we learned that to love your spouse means to be TRUSTING of them, not suspicious, not ascribing to them evil motives or evil intentions. (Charity…thinketh no evil;”)

C. This morning, I want us to continue our study of 1 Corinthians 13, focusing all of our attention on Vrs. 7.
1. Notice that verse again, “Charity…Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
2. From this verse we can learn at least three things.
3. First of all, we can learn that true love is…

I. Confidential.

A. Notice how Vrs. 7 begins, it says “Charity…Beareth all things,”
1. Now the word translated “beareth” here does not mean what you may think it means.
2. It is translated from a Greek word (stego) that literally means “to roof over” or “to cover with silence.”
3. One translation reads like this, “love quietly covers all things.” (MKJV)
4. Another translation reads like this, love “knows how to be silent.” (WNT)
5. And so, when Paul said that love “beareth all things,” he meant that love not only holds up under the most difficult of  circumstances, but it does so QUIETLY.
6. In other words, it does so without broadcasting the shortcomings and failures of those whom we love for all the world to hear!

B. Solomon put it like this in Prov. 10:12, “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.”
1. And then again in Prov. 17:9, “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love;”
2. I love the way that the apostle Peter said it in 1 Pet. 4:8, “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”

C. One of the problems that I see in some marriages today is that there is little or no confidentiality.
1. For example, husbands who get with their “buddies” at work and talk about their wive’s shortcomings.
2. Or wives who get with their little “gossip groups” during the day and talk about the shortcomings of their husbands.
3. Listen, fellows, if you really love your wife, you won’t broadcast her shortcomings to the whole world, and, ladies, if you really love your husband, you won’t do it either.
4. (Illus.- We’ve all heard the expression, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” While I most certainly don’t agree with that, I do believe that what happens at HOME between a husband and his wife should stay at home, what happens in the BEDROOM should stay in the bedroom!)
5. (Illus.- Even the laws of man recognize the importance of this principle. Have you ever heard of the “marital communications privilege”? Also called the “husband-wife privilege,” it is a law that protects the privacy of communications between a man and his wife. This is why in a court of law, a married person cannot be compelled to testify about private conversations that they have had with their husband or wife.)
6. And so, one of the problems that I see in some marriages today is a lack of confidentiality.

D. But someone says, “Pastor, you don’t know my spouse! You don’t know what I have to put up with on a daily basis! If I don’t talk to someone about what I’m dealing with, I’ll go crazy.”
1. Well, first of all, you WON’T go crazy.
2. Secondly, if you MUST talk to someone, then talk to God; after all, He is the ONLY One Who has the ability to help change your situation (make it better).
3. Talking to your “buddies” is not going to make things better.
4. Talking to your local “gossip group” during the day is not going to make things better.
5. In fact, when your spouse finds out what you are doing, it will only make things WORSE!

E. And so, love is confidential.
1. By the way, if you violate your spouses’ privacy, you have also violated their trust, and this is inexcusable!
2. Notice, also, that true love is…

II. Optimistic.

A. Notice again our text, it says that love “…believeth all things, hopeth all things,” (1 Cor. 13:7)
1. In other words, love is UP-BEAT, it is OPTIMISTIC, it is FULL OF HOPE.
2. True love says, “I believe in my husband (wife), I believe in our marriage, and I am absolutely confident that not only are we going to make it, but good days are ahead for us.”
B. (Illus.- I don’t do a lot of personal marriage counseling, but I have done enough to know that when couples seek counseling, they usually fall into one of two categories. First of all, there are those couples who come to you and, even though they are having problems, they are, at least, somewhat optimistic about the future. Their attitude is, “Yes, we have problems, but we believe in each other and we believe in our marriage and we are confident that we will be able to work things out.” On the other hand, there are those couples who come to you and it is very clear that they have pretty much given up hope. Their attitude is, “We are here and we will listen to what you have to say, but, honestly, pastor, this is a waste of your time and ours.” They’ve given up on each other, they’ve given up on their marriage, and they’ve given up hope. I bet you can guess which couples are most likely to benefit from the counseling.)

C. Now don’t misunderstand what I am saying.
1. I’m not talking about optimism that has no real basis.
2. (Illus.- Someone asked me once, “Pastor, do you believe in the “power of positive thinking”? If you are talking about optimism that has no real basis, my answer is, “No.” That’s what the religion of Humanism teaches. However, if you are talking about an optimism that is based on GOD’S ABILITY to change people and to heal marriages, my answer is, “Yes.”)
3. I love what Paul wrote in Phil. 4:13, he said, “I can do all things because I have a positive attitude!”
4. Did I quote that right?
5. No, I didn’t, what he actually said was, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

D. Listen to me, this morning.
1. It doesn’t matter how bad your marriage is.
2. It doesn’t matter what problems you are facing.
3. It doesn’t matter how hopeless things may appear at this moment.
4. If you will continue to believe in each other, if you will not give up on your marriage, and, most of all, if you will look to God for His wisdom and His strength, there is hope for any marriage!
5. While you can’t do it on your own, with God’s help, you can do it.
6. Notice Paul’s words in 2 Cor. 3:5, “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God;”

E. And so, true love is optimistic. Notice, finally this morning, that true love is…

III. Lasting.

A. What did Paul say in our text?
1. He said that love “…endureth all things.” (1 Cor. 13:7)
2. In other words, true love PERSEVERES!
3. It doesn’t quit.
4. It doesn’t give up.
5. It doesn’t surrender.

B. I love the way that Paul says it in 1 Cor. 13:8, “Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.” (But “Charity never faileth:”)

C. (Illus.- Someone asked me once, “With the divorce rate, even among professing Christians, around 50%, how do you explain those rare cases where couples remain married for 50, 60 or even 70 years? How do you explain that?” That’s an easy one, “It’s because they truly LOVE one another!”)

D. (Illus.- Some of you probably remember the comedian Jack Kublesky. He was from Waukegan, Illinois and passed away many years ago. His professional name was Jack Benny. When Jack was a young man, he was working in the same studio as a young lady named Mary whom he wanted to date. He thought she was beautiful, but he was too shy and embarrassed to ask her out. He couldn’t get up the courage or the nerve so he started sending a single, red rose to her desk with no note attached to the rose.

Every day she received the red rose. Finally one day, she asked the delivery man who was sending her the roses. He said a guy named Jack who worked in the same studio. She found out who he was. Finally they began talking and Jack asked her out for a date. She thought that after they started dating the roses would stop. But they didn’t. They kept coming…a single rose every day.

They were engaged and Mary thought the roses would stop. But they didn’t stop. They even kept coming after they were married. Every day a single rose would show up for Mrs. Benny.

After five years, and ten years, and decades later a single red rose continued to show up. Jack Benny died. The day after the funeral, a single rose showed up for Mrs. Benny. After several days Mrs. Benny went to the florist and said, “I don’t know if you realize this or not, but Mr. Benny passed away. I know it is kind of you, but you don’t need to do this any longer.” The florist responded, “Mrs. Benny, you don’t understand. Jack made provisions years ago to provide you a single red rose every day you are alive.”)
1. Now you may not be financially able to send your wife a rose every day of her life, but that’s the kind of love that you should have for her.
2. And, ladies, that’s the kind of love that you should have for your husbands, a love that NEVER ENDS.

Conclusion:

A. What have we learned about love, this morning?
1. Love is CONFIDENTIAL. (It not only bears up under the most difficult of  circumstances, but it does so QUIETLY, without broadcasting the shortcomings and failures of those whom we love for all the world to hear!)
2. Love is also OPTIMISTIC. (It is both up-beat and full of hope. It says, says, “I believe in my husband (wife), I believe in our marriage, and I am absolutely confident that not only are we going to make it, but good days are ahead for us.”)
3. Love is LASTING. (It perseveres. It doesn’t quit. It doesn’t give up. It doesn’t surrender. It says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me.”)

B. Fellows, is this the way that you love your wives?
1. Ladies, is this the way that you love your husbands?
2. Remember, now, love is a choice.

MP3 Version: “Seeketh Not Her Own”
Scripture Text: 1 Corinthians 13:5

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. I’m sure that all of us here this morning know that the Bible commands us to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
1. For example, HUSBANDS are commanded to love their wives.
2. The Bible says in Eph. 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
3. WIVES are also commanded to love their husbands.
4. The Bible says in Tit. 2:4, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands,”
5. Then, of course, ALL BELIEVERS are commanded to love all other believers.
6. The Bible says in 1 Pet. 1:22, “Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:”
7. And so, all of us here this morning know that the Bible commands us to love another.

B. What we may not know, however, is HOW to love one another.
1. In fact, I am convinced that there are many married couples (many husbands and wives) although they have a desire to love another, they really don’t know HOW!
2. And let me tell you WHY they don’t know how.
3. First of all, they don’t know how because they didn’t have loving parents as MODELS.
4. Listen to me, all you moms and dads, one reason that you should love each other is so that, by observing you, your children can learn from your example.
5. Paul admonished the young preacher, Timothy to “be…an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity,” (1 Tim. 4:12)
6. Parents also, should be an example (a model) to their children, teaching them by their own example how to be loving.
7. And so, some married couples don’t know how to love each other because they didn’t have loving parents as models.

C. Another reason is because they have never been TAUGHT.
1. Two weeks ago we focused our attention on 1 Cor. 13:4 and learned three thing about what it means to love your spouse (husband or your wife).
2. First of all, we learned that to love your spouse means to be PATIENT with them (willing to endure their many flaws and imperfections).
3. Secondly, we learned that to love your spouse means to be SATISFIED with them (not wanting anyone else).
4. Thirdly, we learned that to love your spouse means to HUMBLE (willing to admit when you are wrong, to say “I’m sorry,” and ask forgiveness).

D. This morning, I want us to continue along these lines, focusing our attention on 1 Cor. 13:5, and learning at least three more things about what it means to love your spouse.

E. Notice, first of all, that to love your spouse means to be…

I. Mannerly.

A. Notice again how Vrs. 5 begins, it says that love “Doth not behave itself unseemly,”
1. That word “unseemly” is translated from a Greek word (aschemoneo) literally means, “unbecoming,” or “improper” or “impolite.”
2. And so, what Paul is saying is that love is MANNERLY (practices good manners).

B. Now I’m sure that we would all agree that basic manners are greatly lacking in SOCIETY in general.
1. (Illus.- Just last week, as I was getting out of my car to go into the Ranson Post Office, I observed a lady with several parcels in her hand approaching the door. As she neared the door, a man hurried to get in front of her, presumably to open the door for her. However, instead of opening the door for her, he hurried inside himself, letting the door close behind him. Now I know why he did that; he was in a hurry and he didn’t want this lady to get in line in front of him. However, there is absolutely NO excuse for this is kind of “unseemly” behavior.)
2. And so, we would all agree that basic manners are greatly lacking today in society in general.

C. However, what’s REALLY sad is that basic manners are lacking in many MARRIAGES today.
1. Simple things like saying, “Please” and “Thank you.”
2. Simple things like being pleasant and complimentary.
3. Simple things like NOT being critical or demeaning.
4. Simple things like NOT raising or changing the tone of your voice when you are trying to make a point.
5. Simple things like giving your spouse your undivided attention when they are speaking to you.
6. Simple things like opening the door for your wife.
7. Simple things like wiping your feet before entering the house or picking up after yourself.
8. And the list goes on and on!
9. But the point is, in many marriages today, these common courtesies, as well as others, are greatly lacking.

D. And it’s not that we are rude ALL of the time.
1. (Illus.- For example, when we come to church, we are the epitome of politeness. We are all smiles, we are pleasant, we are complimentary, we have nothing but words of encouragement for others. However, as soon as we get in our cars to go home, or as soon as we enter the privacy of our own homes, it’s like we become a different person, someone who is anything but mannerly. There’s something wrong with this picture.)
2. (Illus. Another example, we go to work in the morning, and while we are at work, again, we are the epitome of politeness. I mean, it’s “please” and “thank you” to everyone. We never raise our voices, we never criticize, we never make a sarcastic remark. We are as sweet as sweet can be. However, as soon as we get in our cars to go home, or as soon as we walk through the front door of our home, it’s like we become a different person, someone who is anything but mannerly. Again, there is something wrong with this picture.)
3. The honest truth is, some husbands are more polite to strangers than they are to their own wives.
4. And some wives are more polite to strangers than they are their own husbands.

E. Now that’s NOT love.
1. Love is civil.
2. Love is polite.
3. Love is courteous.
4. Love is mannerly.
5. What many marriages need are simply more manners.
6. Let me issue you this challenge; if your marriage is not what it ought to be, during the next week (seven days), while you are at home with your spouse, do your very best to practice good manners, and see if it doesn’t make a difference. (I think you will begin to see a difference almost immediately.)
7. But you say, “Pastor, what about my wife, or what about my husband? They are as rude to me as I am to them.”
8. Don’t worry about them now, you just concentrate on YOU becoming more mannerly.
9. If you will change your behavior, that will encourage them to do likewise. (Just simple courtesy!)

F. And so, to love your spouse means to be mannerly.
1. The Bible says in 1 Pet. 3:8, “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:”
2. To love your spouse also means to be…

II. Unselfish.

A. Notice again Vrs. 5, it says that love “… seeketh not her own,”
1. Now what does that mean, “…seeketh not her own”?
2. It simply means that love is NOT SELFISH.
3. The word translated “seeketh” is a very interesting word.
4. The Greek word (zeteo) from which it is translated literally means “TO PLOT” or “to plan” or “to go about.”
5. Now with that in mind, what Paul is saying here is that love does not spend it’s time plotting or scheming how to get it’s own way.
6. Love is just the OPPOSITE of that.
7. Love doesn’t care whether it gets it’s way or not, but gladly defers to the will of others.

B. Paul put it like this in Rom. 12:10, “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;” (To prefer someone simply means to put them first, deferring your will to their will.)

C. Jesus, of course, is our supreme example when it comes to being unselfish.
1. Do you remember what He said to His Father when He was in the Garden praying?
2. He said, “…Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42)
3. Aren’t you glad that rather than insisting on having it His way, He deferred His will to His Father’s will?
4. If He had not done that, there would be NO HOPE for any of us (we would all be eternally lost).
5. Now this is not to say that there was a conflict between the Father’s will and the Son’s will, because there was NOT.
6. We have to remember, though, that in addition to being God, Jesus was also a man, and as a man, was NOT looking forward to the suffering that He knew was coming.

D. And so, to love our spouse means to be unselfish.
1. It means to not insist on always having our own way.
2. It means to be willing to defer our will (what we want) to their will (what they want).
3. Now I know what some of you husbands are probably thinking right about now.
4. You are thinking that because you are the head of the family, that you should ALWAYS get your way (after all, you ARE the boss).
5. Now that is true PART of the time.
6. It’s true that you should always get your way when you are talking about matters of PRINCIPLE, because YOU are the one who will one day answer to God for decisions made concerning matters of principle.
7. However, when it comes to matters of PREFERENCE, you should be willing to say, “Yes Dear, whatever you want!”
8. And wives, the same thing holds true with you as well, at least every now and then, you should be willing to say to your husbands, “Yes Dear, whatever you want.”
9. Why? Because love is UNSELFISH.

E. Not only is love unselfish, love is also…

III. Trusting.

A. Notice again the last phrase in Vrs. 5, it says that love “…thinketh no evil.”
1. Now what does that mean, “…thinketh no evil”?
2. Well, the word “thinketh” is translasted from a Greek word (logizomai) that literally means, “to conclude” or “to reckon” or “to suppose.”
3. And so, when Paul said that love “thinketh no evil,” he simply meant that love does not ascribe to others evil motives or evil intentions.
4. In other words, love is not suspicious.

B. Now it must be said that there are instances when a spouse has a right to be suspicious.
1. (Illus.- For example, if a husband has been found or discovered to be involved in viewing pornography, even if he repents and even if he promises his wife that he will never do it again, she has a right to be suspicious, at least until her trust in him has been restored, and that could take years.)
2. (Illus.- If a wife has been caught in an affair, even if she repents and even if she promises her husband that she will never do it again, he has a right to be suspicious, at least until his trust in her has been restored, and again, that could take years.)
3. And so, there are instances when a spouse has a right to be suspicious, that is, when past moral failures have destroyed the trust.

C. However, if that is not the case, if there is NO legitimate reason to be suspicious, true love is TRUSTING.
1. (Illus.- I remember a lady who came to me many years ago and said, “Pastor, you’ve got to talk to my husband as soon as possible.” I asked her why it was so urgent, and her answer was, “I’m pretty sure that he’s having an affair!” I asked her, “Do you have any proof?” She said, “No.” I asked her if she had any circumstantial evidence, and again she said, “No.” I then asked her, “Has he given you ANY reason to believe that he might be having an affair?” She said, “Nothing I can put my finger on.” In frustration I then asked her, “Why then do you believe he is having an affair?” She said, “I’ve just got this feeling!” Well, I did talk to her husband later on and he assured me that he hadn’t even thought about having an affair, and I believed him.)
2. Listen, love is not like that!
3. Love is not suspicious.
4. Love does not ascribe evil motives or evil intentions to one’s spouse without a VERY good reason.
5. Love is trusting!!!

D. But someone says, “Wait a minute, pastor. I have trusted people in the past and they have ended up hurting me.”
1. I’m sure that’s true.
2. I’m sure that we have ALL experienced the same hurt.
3. However, it is still far better to trust your spouse and take a chance on being hurt, than to go through life being suspicious all the time. (What a miserable way to live your life!)

Conclusion:

A. What does it mean to love your spouse?
1. It means to be MANNERLY. (Acting in a polite or civil manner towards your spouse.)
2. It means to be UNSELFISH. (Putting your spouses preferences before your own.)
3. It means to be TRUSTING. (Not ascribing evil motives or evil intentions to your spouse. Not being suspicious.)
4. How about it men?
5. How about it ladies?
6. By these definitions, are you truly loving your spouse?

MP3 Version: “Charity Suffereth Long”
Scripture Text: 1 Corinthians 13:4

By Pastor Mike Withem
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia

Introduction:

A. Three weeks ago I preached a message entitled, “Husbands, Love Your Wives.”
1. The Bible says in Eph. 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”
2. Husbands, however, are not the only ones who are given this command.
3. Wives are also commanded to love their husbands.
4. Notice what Paul admonished the “aged women” (older women) in the church to do, Tit. 2:4, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,”
5. Not only are wives to love their husbands, if they are also mothers, they should love their children as well.
6. And so, both husbands AND wives are commanded to exhibit love, love for each other and for the children.

B. Now this raises a question, “If husbands are to love their wives and wives are to love their husbands, and parents are to love their children, WHAT exactly does this mean?”
1. In other words, what does it mean to love someone?
2. Well, before we begin to answer that question, I want to clear up two misconceptions about love.
3. The first misconception is that love is a FEELING.
4. (Illus.- A teenage girl was asked the question, “What is love?” to which she replied, “It’s when you get a knot in your stomach, your heart begins to race, and you get a warm tingling feeling all over your body!”)
5. While it’s true that sometimes love does involve our emotions, we must remember that they are two very different things.
6. The second misconception about love that I would to clear up is that love is UNCONTROLLABLE.
7. You often hear people talk about “falling in love” or “falling out of love” as though they had no control over it whatsoever.
8. This misconception, of course, is directly related to the first misconception.
9. (Illus.- For example, many husbands and wives have tried to justify the fact that they no longer loved their spouses by saying, “I can’t help how I feel!”)

C. Listen, let me tell you the TRUTH about love.
1. First of all, love is not a feeling, but rather a manner of CONDUCT.
2. This is why the Bible says in 1 John 3:18, “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.”
3. Love is not FEELING, but rather DOING!
4. Not only is love a manner of conduct, it also a matter of CHOICE.
5. This is why the Bible commands us in Col. 3:14, “And above all these things put on charity,”

D. Now back to our original question, “What does it mean to love someone?”
1. Paul answers this question in great detail in our text, this morning.
2. Notice, first of all, that to love someone means to be…

I. Patient.

A. Notice again the first part of Vrs. 4 of our text, “Charity suffereth long,”
1. The word “charity” means “love.”
2. It is translated from the Greek word “agape,” which not only means love, but a very SPECIAL kind of love, the kind of love that GOD has for us!
3. Now what did Paul say?
4. He said, “Charity suffereth long.”
5. In other words, love is…
-patient,
-long-spirited or longsuffering,
-willing to patiently endure the flaws and imperfections of our spouses, without becoming angry.

B. Fellows, let me tell you something about your wives that you probably already know, and, ladies, let me tell you something about your husbands that you probably already know – they are NOT perfect (have many flaws)!
1. And by the way, they had these flaws LONG before you married them.
2. (Illus.- I was counseling with a couple once, and the wife was coming down really hard on her husband for his many personality flaws. During the course of our conversation the wife said this, “I don’t understand, he wasn’t like this when I married him!” to which I replied, “Sister, he was like this long BEFORE you married him. You were just so ‘love-struck’ that you didn’t see it.)
3. But the point is, we ALL have our flaws; whether we are husbands, wives, or children, we all have our flaws!

C. This is why patience is so important, when it comes to the MARRIAGE relationship.
1. Listen, if we are not willing to patiently endure our spouses’ flaws and imperfections without becoming angry, then we are going to be angry ALL the time.
2. And let’s face it, this describes a LOT of marriages today; constant anger, constant arguing, constant turmoil, all because of an unwillingness on the part of the husband, or the wife, or both, to accept the fact that the person whom they married is NOT perfect.

D. Now let me pause here and say that this does not mean we shouldn’t work on IMPROVING ourselves.
1. (Illus.- For example, one of the things that wives complain about the most and that causes friction in a lot of marriages are husbands who refuse to PICK UP after themselves. Now husbands, you could argue, “If my wife really loves me, then she will be willing to accept this minor flaw without becoming angry with me.” That’s true, but there’s another side to this coin. If you really love your wife, then you will work on improving yourself by striving to do a better job of picking up after yourself. In fact, you will make it a lot EASIER for your wife to put up with your many flaws and imperfections if you will demonstrate to her that you are trying to improve yourself. You see, it works BOTH ways!)
2. The same thing is true when it comes to you wives.
3. If you will demonstrate to your husbands that you trying to improve yourselves, you will make it a lot easier for them to put up with your many flaws and imperfections.

E. And there is something else that I want to make clear.
1. When we talk about flaws and imperfections, we are talking about PERSONALITY flaws and imperfections, not MORAL failures.
2. (Illus.- For example, wives, if your husband is getting drunk and abusing you physically, that is NOT something God expects you to endure, under any circumstance. That is not a personality flaw, but rather a very serious moral failure on his part, and should not be tolerated.)
3. (Illus.- Another example, husbands, if your wife has violated her marriage vows and is having a sexual affair, that is NOT something that God expects you to endure, under any circumstance. That is not a personality flaw on her part, but rather a very serious moral failure, and should not be tolerated.)
4. You might remember that in the first part of 1 Cor. 5, the apostle Paul rebuked the Corinthian believers for tolerating a very serious moral failure within the church family, and then instructed them on how to deal with it.

F. And so, to love someone means to be patient with them.
1. It also means to be kind to them.
2. Notice again Vrs. 4 our text, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind;”
3. To be kind is translated from a Greek word that literally means “to act in a BENEVOLENT manner.”
4. In other words, it means to be…
-gentle,
-good-natured,
-sweet-tempered.
5. Kindness is most definitely RELATED to patience.
6. You see, when we become impatient with our spouses, we tend to be just the opposite of kind, don’t we? We tend to be…
-mean,
-bad-natured,
-ill-tempered.
7. Paul wrote in Col. 3:12, “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;”

G. And so, to love someone means to be patient and kind.

H. It also means to…

II. Satisfied.

A. Notice again Vrs. 4 of our text, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not;”
1. What does it mean to “be envious?”
2. One definition of “being envious” is WISHING you had something that someone else has.
3. (Illus.- For example, if you are envious of your neighbor, you wish you had something that he has. It could be his job, or it could be his house, or it could be his car, or it could even be his WIFE.)
4. By the way, envy and covetousness are very SIMILAR.
5. Do you remember the Tenth Commandment?
6. The Tenth Commandment goes like this, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” (Exo. 20:17)
7. Of course, the opposite of “being envious” or “coveting” is being happy, or being content, or being satisfied with what you have.

B. Now, with that in mind, what does it mean to “not be envious,” as far as your relationship with your wife or your husband is concerned?
1. It simply means to be happy, to be content, to be satisfied with them (in other words, to not want someone else).
2. (Illus.- Listen, one of the principle causes of the unhappiness that exists in so many marriages today is a DISSATISFACTION on the part of the husband, or the wife, or perhaps even both. Oftentimes, they already have their jealous eyes fixed on someone else, most likely someone else’s wife or someone else’s husband. This, of course, more times than not, leads to infidelity, which almost always leads to divorce.)
3. Let me tell you something, guys, your neighbor’s wife may look like the perfect woman, but I assure you that she is not (just like your wife, she has her flaws as well).
4. And, ladies, your neighbor’s husband may look like the perfect man, but I assure you that he is not (just like your husband, he has his flaws as well).
5. Listen, rather than wishing that you had someone else’s wife or someone else’s husband, thank God for the woman or the man whom God gave to you, and be satisfied with them.

C. Solomon wrote in Prov. 5:15,18, “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well…Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”

1. He put it like this in Ecc. 9:9, “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity,… for that is thy portion in this life,”
2. In other words, enjoy the wife or the husband whom God gave to you.
3. Listen, life is too short to spend even a small part of it wishing you were married to someone else.
4. I know, the grass sometimes looks greener on the other side of the fence, but I promise you, it is NOT.

D. And so, to love someone means to not be envious (not want someone else), but to be satisfied with the man or the woman whom God gave to you.

E. May I say, finally, this morning, to love someone means to be…

III. Humble.

A. Let’s look one more time at Vrs. 4 of our text, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,”
1. He said, “…charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.”
2. Now WHAT does that mean?
3. The word “vaunteth” means “to brag or BOAST.”
4. The phrase “puffed up” means “to have an INFLATED opinion of oneself.”
5. And so, what Paul is saying here is that love is not boastful or prideful.

B. How does pride hurt a marriage?
1. Pride prevents us from saying three words that are so important in a healthy marriage, the words, “I am sorry.”
2. Let’s face it, even in the healthiest of marriages, there are going to OFFENSES, times when we wrong or hurt our spouses.
3. It may not be a major offense, but it is an offense none the less.
4. Now wronging our spouses is bad enough in and of itself, however, when we are too proud to admit what we have done and sincerely ask for their forgiveness, we make the situation far worse (it’s like we are hurting them all over again).

C. Listen, when we wrong our spouse, we need to respond with the same attitude that David displayed when he got his heart right with God.
1. Notice his words, recorded in Psa. 51:3-4, “For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight:”
2. And you need to display this attitude toward your spouse as well as God.
3. (Illus.- A husband told me once that if he asked God to forgive him, he didn’t see any need to ask for his wife’s forgiveness. I asked him, “Brother, did you wrong your wife, as well as God?” He said, “Well, yes.” I said, “Then you need to ask for her forgiveness as well.”)
4. Do you remember what Jesus said in Matt. 5:23-24, “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”
5. We could paraphrase it like this, “If you come to worship God, and then remember that your spouse has a legitimate grievance against you, go and make things right with them first (seek their forgiveness), then come and offer your worship to God.”

D. Now, there is another side to this coin.
1. If you are the one who is wronged and your spouse humbly seeks your forgiveness, then you should be willing to forgive them.
2. Sometimes, especially when we have been hurt badly, we hesitate to let go of the offense and to forgive, even when there is genuine sorry on the part of our spouse. (I guess it is our way of getting even with them!)
3. While Paul does not deal with this in our text, he does so elsewhere, for example, in Eph. 4:32, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Conclusion:

A. What does it mean to love someone, especially our spouse?
1. It means to be PATIENT with them (willing to endure their many personality flaws and imperfections without become angry and punishing them).
2. “Charity suffereth long, and is kind;”
3. It means to be SATISFIED with them (not wish you were married to someone else’s spouse).
4. “…charity envieth not;”
5. It means to be HUMBLE toward them (admit it when you are wrong and seek their forgiveness).
6. “…charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,”

B. How about it fellows?
1. How about it wives?
2. Are you patient with your spouses?
3. Are you satisfied with your spouses?
4. Are you humble toward your spouses?

MP3 Version: “The Day of the Lord”

By Pastor Joe Davis
First Baptist Church
Ranson, West Virginia